I'm finally done with the bridging courses & waiting for my modules to official start end of April. Despite avoiding math, my timetable killed me instantly with accountings & econs. I'm very sure I'm gonna be struggling with it.
Fortunately, I'm not the only one:
Had the longest weekend last wk. It was work sat morn as usual & I'm thankful for colleagues whom make exceptions for me to balance my cash earlier so that I can attend classes on time. Bank closes at 1pm every sat & my classes start at 2pm. I literally fly & it's so taxing every now & then. Sundays aren't any better. Classes are at 9am to 6pm. You tend to feel more angst when you need to wake up with an alarm even on Sundays.
Anws managed to power nap got myself refreshed & went down for yeye's 80th birthday. Wasn't exactly feeling good, reminded of things I should not. However, it still feel good to end my hectic working/study schedule to see my folks. (: Nai especially came to me when I arrived & started asking if things are fine. Times like these I rlly wanna hug her & cry out whatever that's been happening but it's suppose to be a joyous celebration. Hence, I'll do what I've been doing, & that's to keep smiling.
Bought rochor's famous beancurd tarts for the family, everyone's loving it. Didn't quite eat that night tho nai especially made my fave abacus with mushroom. Tried holding back my tears when nai said it breaks her heart seeing me lose appetite & see me lose weight like that. I knw I haven't been good to make her stop worrying. Day by day, I'm finding back myself. I'll do you proud nai, don't worry.
& this is my strongest source of strength no one could ever replaced:
Daddy bought a new pup, which was the highlight of the night instead of my yeye. Say hello to coco:
I've been spending way too much lately. Dog medical with a whooping of 750bucks. Grandparents allowance & yeye's angbao especially more this time round. So much to worry, I've no choice but to pull myself through.
Had all my aunts sat down with me talking me through I felt so warmhearted that night. & of cos I felt so much better having them listening to my mishaps. It's been rlly a rough period of time. Or should I say, I'm going through one of my lowest peak in my life. My personal life, my friends, my colleague, & even my dog. Daddy says times like these aren't gonna lasts forever. Scolded me for being so weak. Scolded me for giving it my all & entrusting.
But this is me.
I no longer wanna care whatever you people are gonna talk bout me. I'm not gonna care how y'all wanna judge what kind of girl sharlenelau is. I want it real, genuinely real. I want love that's irreplaceable. Love that doesn't replace me easily. Love that makes me feel important for good, not just a period. Love that proves over time that is real. That loyalty that is too tough to be found. No one is real & horrifyingly they are ugly. I just wanna find back myself even if I take longer than the rest. & to find back myself, I'm back on track at work. Cos should y'all walk outta my life, it shows a lot bout yourself. I'll hold the door wide for you to walk out of it. Gotta keep this going, to find my peace.
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