Thank you gardens, where I bloom.

Only had 3 working days this week & I'm on a good break. Coincidentally my off week clashes on my birthday, gave me more time to organize my personal arrangement. 

My manager's been very thoughtful, came in only after lunch break with a huge birthday box & reminded everyone to cut the cake for sharlene. & I happened to be in the pantry washing grapes for colleagues I overheard everything & I felt so loved. (:

The branch has been good to me whether or not I always like to complain how bad some colleagues are. Nevertheless, I'm still very thankful for the branch who gives me encouragement though I didn't rlly mention what have I been going through. This is still the place where I grow & is still learning. 

My thoughtful manager with cedele's walnut banana cake:

Sometimes I feel v loved by my dsms. Though I entered this branch being scolded all the time for the mistakes I make, I know many times they tend to give better treatment as compared to the rest. We could be buzzing like bees in the bank, but we never fail to have silly conversations in the midst of our banking hours. Moments that left me squatting on the floor laughing so hard. They're the ones who tries to help even when my cash doesn't tally & when I gave up searching for the potential customers. 

& especially to this woman below here whom I loved a lot & grateful. My direct officer who works very closely with me all the time. Always making the exception for me to choose the favorable time I wanna go for lunch, or to decide who to lunch first. Always balancing my cash earlier than usual whenever I need to rush for classes aft work. & times when my dog is sick, she'll be the one who rushes me off & allows me to let me go off asap. Times when I wasn't at the right mind to work, she's the one who hugs me when I broke down at the branch & forces me to go get mc & rest. Times when I make mistakes, she'll also tries to cover/help me or even do it for me so that I don't get more lectures. So so many things I'm so thankful for. 

Thankyou my angel:

The bits & pieces of advices, encouragement I rlly take it to heart. Colleagues telling me I'm naive, behaving likka kid not understanding how the real world works. I guess this is where I learn my lesson & grow out of it. Thanks to all who bothers to even take the effort to make a difference. 

Though the bickering doesn't stop, back office always sounds likka market. This is still the place where I can find love, & calls it home. Thankyou gardens, I'm gonna take so much pride balancing myself at work & for school. Growing for the better. (: 

The April babies.

And so we've been curious bout this trending cafe that we decide to have our April babies celebration @ wheeler's yard.

Planned to go on a shopping spree cos I've been yearning for it, it was then replaced by cafehopping. Thanks to joren  for the chauffeur, went assembly for some coffee session however it was too crowdedness. We settled the cafe next to it until our stomach grow hungry again.

Handle bar was so exciting bcos it's in the jungle! Feeling so scared despite being in the car with all the laughter. I swear I had a long day laughing with the group. The conversations just keep going. Handle bar's buffalo wings are good! 

How lovely we ended our cafehopping with a lovely dog that was all timid but keeps peeping at us when we pretended to look away. This is Cooper for you!

Some other misc:

Ended my last working day of the week. Decided to post this entry cos I foresee more photos coming for the birthday week. Gonna have a good rest tonight. 

Birthday week!

Struggled through the mundane mon blues at work. Officially left 2 more working days before my off days begins, which also means my birthday celebrations starts! No longer fancy celebrations but taking this chance to meet up friends whom I haven't catch up for long. 

Will definitely be spamming lotsa photos for the week. For now, gotta crash in for work again. Boohoo. :( 

Mid wk morn perk

It doesn't need to be more, all it needs is to keep it minimal, keep it simple. Morning perk with the Aussie boy before work. Hwaiting~! 

Supreme x new era fitted

Be mine alr!! 

Happy 80th 爷爷!

I'm finally done with the bridging courses & waiting for my modules to official start end of April. Despite avoiding math, my timetable killed me instantly with accountings & econs. I'm very sure I'm gonna be struggling with it. 

Fortunately, I'm not the only one:

Had the longest weekend last wk. It was work sat morn as usual & I'm thankful for colleagues whom make exceptions for me to balance my cash earlier so that I can attend classes on time. Bank closes at 1pm every sat & my classes start at 2pm. I literally fly & it's so taxing every now & then. Sundays aren't any better. Classes are at 9am to 6pm. You tend to feel more angst when you need to wake up with an alarm even on Sundays. 

Anws managed to power nap got myself refreshed & went down for yeye's 80th birthday. Wasn't exactly feeling good, reminded of things I should not. However, it still feel good to end my hectic working/study schedule to see my folks. (: Nai especially came to me when I arrived & started asking if things are fine. Times like these I rlly wanna hug her & cry out whatever that's been happening but it's suppose to be a joyous celebration. Hence, I'll do what I've been doing, & that's to keep smiling. 

Bought rochor's famous beancurd tarts for the family, everyone's loving it. Didn't quite eat that night tho nai especially made my fave abacus with mushroom. Tried holding back my tears when nai said it breaks her heart seeing me lose appetite & see me lose weight like that. I knw I haven't been good to make her stop worrying. Day by day, I'm finding back myself. I'll do you proud nai, don't worry. 

& this is my strongest source of strength no one could ever replaced:

Daddy bought a new pup, which was the highlight of the night instead of my yeye. Say hello to coco:

I've been spending way too much lately. Dog medical with a whooping of 750bucks. Grandparents allowance & yeye's angbao especially more this time round. So much to worry, I've no choice but to pull myself through. 

Had all my aunts sat down with me talking me through I felt so warmhearted that night. & of cos I felt so much better having them listening to my mishaps. It's been rlly a rough period of time. Or should I say, I'm going through one of my lowest peak in my life. My personal life, my friends, my colleague, & even my dog. Daddy says times like these aren't gonna lasts forever. Scolded me for being so weak. Scolded me for giving it my all & entrusting.

But this is me. 

I no longer wanna care whatever you people are gonna talk bout me. I'm not gonna care how y'all wanna judge what kind of girl sharlenelau is. I want it real, genuinely real. I want love that's irreplaceable. Love that doesn't replace me easily. Love that makes me feel important for good, not just a period. Love that proves over time that is real. That loyalty that is too tough to be found. No one is real & horrifyingly they are ugly. I just wanna find back myself even if I take longer than the rest. & to find back myself, I'm back on track at work. Cos should y'all walk outta my life, it shows a lot bout yourself. I'll hold the door wide for you to walk out of it. Gotta keep this going, to find my peace. 

You taught me.

Gave you the gaze in the eyes you couldn't find in your previous rs.

At my best ability to give in to you.

Laze on the bed watching you sleep when you fall sick 

Wiping your tears when you yawn too much while driving.

Being there when shit happens at work.

Wanting the best for you. 

Keeping myself awake when my eyes are closing when you want supper. 

Smiling at you being silly. 

Forgiving when no one has ever judge me like before.

Swallowing my pride when I got scolded for blunders I made. 

And all of it leads to something,

Nothing. 

You picked me up & toss me aside telling me you're seeking for your own happiness. Telling me you did your part when you couldn't tolerate compromise & was the most heartless person I've ever met. 

You showed me how ugly you are. How ugly. 

My sick babygirl.

This has been a terrifying year so far. The list of things that doesn't go right goes on. One after another. Others say I'm on a bad streak of luck, I say I needa bathe with holy water. 

I've never experienced any of these sort all tgt I'm coping so tough, idk should I be angry or upset. Debby's sick again. The last time round she fell ill was about 3 years ago. I couldn't focus at work when mum called me in the morn saying smth's wrong with the dog. Only to rush off after work & brought the dog to the vet. Took urgent leave the following day to bring the dog back for xray & left my dog stay in there for half a day. My tears just roll down my face while travelling back home asking myself what's all these happening to me. I'm drained. So fucking drained no one would ever understand. & should all these is not happening to you all tgt don't fucking comment cos you're not even in my shoes to begin with. 

Didn't slp well the whole time & spend my night worrying. Went home to catch some nap before going down the clinic again but to only jump outta bed & keep checking with the clinic if I can pick my dog anytime alr. She's been on medication for a week & gotta bring her back for another round of review tmr after work. Pls lemme hear some good news. I've lost too many impt people in my life & I can't afford to lose it again. 

I'm done & over with y'all judgement. Not gonna be the slave of your words. 

April baby.

The other day at work when the glass doors shuts & the last customer came in the banking hall that made me go gaga while trying to balance my cash:

& guess what. Her name is foxy!!! Omg everyone that heard was like "Isnt it your foxy!?" I was rlly surprised too, finally seeing the dog responding to me esp when I keep calling her name. She's rlly adorable huh. Rlly missing my foxy right now. 

So Christina left the gardens & left for treasures siglap. Felt rlly sad seeing them leave one by one like that. I hope it's for the better of those who left though. Now it's me myself & I with the new people all the time. I almost died with anger at work today. 

Everyday I've been burying myself with work, with school. How long more am I suppose to do this.