When reality bites hard

Finally I can hug my babies after a long trip back. My flight got delayed due to the bad weather. 

Nothing is worth more to come home to see how's my precious doing. Thanks to the parents who has been updating me with many photos & it rlly worked wonders.

Boyboy's condition is always kept at the back of my mind all the time. I'm rlly vexed & I couldn't focus right on anything. He's not eating but he's not moving a lot. It aches extremely badly on his poor condition. There's just nothing I can help to improve on this situation. At times, I just wanna scream it out loud. I can't describe how vexed I am but I'm rlly lost. I can't stop tearing every night looking how frail he is. 

The top wish on my sky lantern was the very first wish I wrote. I just wanted it so badly. Anw writing with brushes aint that easy:

School has also started. There's so much to catch the moving train. I've friends who has been asking bout my Taiwan's trip itinerary. It's not a well planned one but I'll try to get it up done when I've time. 

We learn to let go regardless

I'm typing this post after having a busy schedule of my Taiwan trip today. 

I'm deadbeat but I thought I'll pen some thoughts before I head to bed for another long day tmr.

This is not the first night I'm crying bcos mama said boyboy's not eating again. So much that I wish I could do or help him feel better, there's really nth much I can do. 

I know I'm losing him soon. I knew it exactly but dear Heavenly Father, I beg you. I can be on my knees to beg even more. I just wish he's feeling better. 

Please. I love him. I love my one & only denzyboy. Amen.

Hardwell@Meadow by the bay

Finally finally finally, I'm ready for this. Waited from dinner to supper. I'm still loving their soup I can't stop:

Coffee boost at day job, redbull boost at night. Thanks to my manager for making me the ic of the busiest bar! It was just directly facing the public entrance & we've got slammed quite bad. What's worst, my buddies weren't working with me :( 

Still, the music was awesome like always.

It was a scorching hot day... Till night.

Brought back printers from Mbs to zouk. Waited for my pay, zouk was sardine pack I hardly made it just to take a cuppa coke. Cabbed home with Joey & HSH.

Steamed some Japanese sweet potatoes for the darlings at home, they loved it! (:

Midweek on leave feels especially good!

Purposely took leave today to join the fam for mothers' day lunch at tampines 1 for dim sum. I guess I was the only grandchildren & my younger cousin who just ended his school. Had a good session with the fam & my aunts are crazily excited over my Sulwhasoo recommendation. There goes my travel packs & samples. 

Bought macs for dad while he's on leave at home. Brought the dogs down for a afternoon stroll. My leave is well paid of before I leave for Taiwan next week. 

Happy mothers' day:

Spoke to the vet the other day & we need to discuss what's the best decision for boyboy. Whatever it is, I hope he's not gonna suffer much. You'll be my hero boy. 

Every minute of thanksgiving.

While I still can,

Thankyou for being there:

Sacrificed my beauty sleep for her karaoke cravings until 3am. We almost died for a rainy night. Ah yes, sorry for my bare face:

Ended my wkend for a BBQ night with the zoukies. Feels good to have so many of us gathering tgt spending endless laughter. It's a well spent Sunday. 

Stay gold.

"Never apologize for showing feelings, when you do so you apologize for the truth." - Benjamin Disraeli

It's always me. Even if it takes to throw all of my chips, nothing's gonna eat in my conscience to be honest with myself. 

It's okay to be losing

It's okay to cry to sleep

& go through the same process everyday

Bcos I did with a genuine agenda 

I said it with my heart.

So long as I stay pure,

I can handle all dirty. 

The unknown world is never gonna corrupt me

The boys are not gonna trample 

There's just too much dirty truth

I was too blinded with ignorance

I've already don't know which is the real him

It's either he sound so soft

Or he scolds me like I'm nothing

Insomnia/gastric/weeping/migraine is a recovery

It's healing

Sharlene will heal. 

He lied.

This is the same old storyline. 

Just someone different. 

Once, I ever loved this man for years. 

This man that I've spent much commitment building the best.

Till one day, I've read about her. 

& then I asked him. He lied.

Repeatedly asking again, this time telling him how I've found about her. 

He chose to lie again.

& I left.

I gave myself a good break. 

There came 2 bad boys. 

I knew it's not them. 

& I left. 

Couple of years later.

I met this other man. 

Someone seems to be the one.

Those bad boys didn't ask for the future.

I gave my all after so long.

He questions my past. 

Doubts my character. 

Discriminate my friends. 

But all I ask for was he to love me.

He walked away,

Leaving me broken. 

& he left me feeling sore each time

I wake up from a nightmare.

I wanted to be who I was.

Right before I met this other man.

To be as carefree.

Living as an individual isn't too bad.

He texted me one night.

He asked for another chance.

It's the same punchline.

I gave it to him anyway. 

It didn't take long,

For him to realise

That he ultimately didn't love me as we thought. 

He's gone again.

Breaking me twice was bad. 

For a mistake he made

And me to suffer more.

I just wanted to breakfree.

He said he wanted to be there

No matter what happens.

I thought it was too complex.

I wanted him near but it's not helping.

His promises sounded Iike echoes.

Late nights I'll do the memories 

I'm counting down such late nights

I thought I'm coping right 

Until something else crashed me

My dog is leaving

My friend texted me news about him

I collapsed.

Absent myself from work

I just wanted to be alone

I'll just finish the boxes of tissues

I'll wipe my tears dry myself 

I see how much my dog is suffering

I wipe my tears again,

While changing his diapers for him.

I wipe them again,

When I bring the dogs down for a stroll

I had belated birthday dinners to attend

I'm a sucker for holding back my tears

I'm a loser when my appetite's gone

But I'm learning again,

He's not what he deserve to be.

He's not there again when he said to be for the second time. 

He's lying. 

Everything that he said was obviously 

A huge lie. A pack of them.

I've read every word but he lied again.

He's just another cheater. 

Just lemme heal all over again 

This time round, to be tougher.

To embrace what's left for me & my dog.